Dita De Boni looks at the trials and tribulations of being a parent and mother to her two children

If anyone can find any reason why many of the people in the list below shouldn't face the death penalty, much less be allowed to breed or "parent", please let me know. Because I can't find one.
AUGUST 20, 2009
A three-year-old Palmerston North girl dies from what's thought to be extensive, non-accidental head injuries at the local hospital. She was named today as Kash McKinnon.
AUGUST 11
A 17-month-old toddler from Kamo, Tinisha Walker, is flown to Starship with serious injuries, where she remains in a critical condition. Police were tight-lipped about who assaulted Tanisha but they were "talking with her family". Subsequently, a 39-year-old man is due to appear in the Whangarei District Court next month charged with assaulting her. He has name suppression.
AUGUST 8
A two-year-old Kaitaia girl, Jacqui Peterson-Davis, dies in Starship Hospital. Police confirm there are "bruises on her body" and head injuries but won't elaborate. A woman (name suppressed) in her early 30s is charged with assault, and more charges may follow. The family of the woman, showing her full support, admit they are "struggling to come to terms" with the incident. It is then revealed that the little girl had been the subject of at least one CYFS notification during the months leading up to her death.
AUGUST 2
A four-month-old boy from Papakura is taken to Starship with "non-accidental brain injuries" and remains in a critical condition. His teenage parents are cooperating with police but the family home becomes the scene of further police investigation of other criminal activity. Neighbours describe the house as a "nonstop party house".
JULY 27
Foster carer Karen Alice Robinson stands trial in the Rotorua High Court for the murder of 14-month-old Melissa Sale in 2005. Melissa died of a traumatic brain injury and had extensive bruising on her face and at the back of her eyes. Robinson was convicted of manslaughter this month and will be sentenced in October.
JULY 22
Motueka mother Cassandra Albert, who gave her four-month-old baby severe brain damage by shaking him, is sentenced to three years and nine months. Albert and her partner Newton Samuel Moki were jointly charged with failing to provide the necessities of life after failing to get the boy help for nine hours during which he had seizures and profuse sweating.
JULY 15
Rotorua man Frank James Brown, who punched his 14-month-old at least twice in the head, is sentenced to three years and nine months in prison. The injuries put the child in hospital for three nights.
JUNE 29
A depositions hearing reveals that Kerikeri beneficiary Kyle Skerten is to stand trial for the murder of his 16-month-old stepson Riley Justin Osborne. Riley died after four days at Starship Hospital from his injuries - a fractured skull, bleeding on the brain and eye injuries - so serious that a pediatrician told the court that he'd last seen the like when a child fell 11m on to bare concrete. Skerten will stand trial in September.
JUNE 15
The mother of a wheelchair-bound (then) eight-year-old appears in the Manukau District Court on assault charges. Some of the injuries inflicted on this boy include being beaten, burned with cigarettes, and starved. Two children still live with her. From the Herald, "[his] school found bruising and swelling around his genital area and he had blood-stained urine. Fears grew when the previously overweight boy lost around 25kg in a short period". [His] teacher claims the boy told her he sometimes was not given dinner or breakfast and was arriving at school teary, tired "and even lifting a pencil took great effort".
JUNE 5
One-year-old Trent Matthews is found dead in his family lounge in Rotorua. He had been taken from his mother soon after his birth and placed in the care of his uncle Joe Matthews. Matthews' partner Sasha Pene is charged with assaulting the boy.
MAY 14
Mary Joachim, 28, is sentenced to three years in the Auckland District Court for failing to provide the necessities of life to her son, seven-year-old Duwayne Pailegutu, who died in 2008 eight days after being savagely beaten by his step father Johnny Joachim. Duwayne was given a beating that left him partly paralysed and semi-conscious because he'd left a jumper at school. For several days afterwards he was unable to move and wore nappies because he was unable to get to the toilet he was in so much pain. According to the Herald report, "In an attempt to "shock" Duwayne into movement, Joachim dipped his paralysed foot into boiling water, leaving the largest of four scald wounds on his right leg. When he became frustrated that Duwayne could not move, Joachim threw him against a wall. And for the six weeks before his death on July 2 last year, Duwayne had been living with three broken ribs." His mother kept her son from school and misled the school about her son's whereabouts before he died in agony.
MARCH 7
JayRhis Ian te Koha Lock-Tata dies in Auckland's Starship Hospital after suffering severe head injuries - either having been beaten or having had his head knocked against something. His father Adam Christopher Lock, 22, is charged with his murder.
FEBRUARY 17
Three-year-old Cherishsiliala Tahuri-Wright, known as Cherish, is found injured and struggling to breathe by paramedics at her Marton home and later died at Palmerston North Hospital. A 56-year-old woman has been charged with her murder.
- Dita De Boni
Pictured above: Toys outside a Rotorua house where Trent Matthews died. Photo / Alan Gibson
Note: Debate on this issue is now closed.
We need a license to drive a car, a license to operate a food stall, a license to operate a forklift. but we don't need to demonstrate any aptitude or ability whatsoever if we want to do the most important job and be in charge of the next generation.
No amount of political correctness will alter the fact that some people ought to be denied the right to breed.
Without ever having concieved or reared children, Helen Clark was in no position to ignore seriously good advice instead of anti-smacking, but she did. This bartering of legislation has cost little New Zealanders their lives and politicians who think it's a bit of plea bargaining to gloss over the real problems have blood on their hands. For goodness sake New Zealand, wake up!
John Key is likely to be no better.
Anyone who takes the life of another should serve life, no parole, no hope, no forgiveness. Anti-smacking is a piece of failed legislation right from the start, as is uncoroborated evidence. You seriously undermine your own society by both preying on primitive fears on the one hand and criminalising smacking on the other.
This is the 21st century and I think children and all citizens deserve a lot better than this. Sue Bradford can feel smug about her percieved achievements, but they are are worthless if children are being slaughtered in their own homes by dysfunctional psychopaths that are wholly home-grown. You really do have a problem that will not be solved by saying it's happening in other countries.
Reading these comments I can understand the anger, but tougher sentences wouldn't have saved these children.
The crimes are not calculated crimes. While one can imagine a thief considering the sentence for robbing a bank when weighing up the risks and rewards, child abuse by a family member is not pre-meditated. Tougher sentencing might make the communiaty feel better, but it wouldn't prevent these crimes.
First time mum - name supression for the accused may prevent the victim, or other siblings being identified, rather than being for the benefit of the accused.
I think - whether it is the intention of the act or not, the Anti-Smacking Bill gives us all an excuse to question parents who hit their children in public; we have just witnessed a crime. It also gives the police and CYPS a reason to look at parents who appear to be losing control.
PCL - a surrender system for parents relies on foster homes for these children. Social service struggle to find an appropriate safe place for existing children
Having raised two children, it is hard, with very little support when things get tough. The support system needs fixing to help parents beforethey lose control.
This is a tragically huge problem that we all wish we could solve but no-one really has an answer to.
Our first reaction to the pain and torture of these innocent kids is to lock up the offenders and throw away the key (that is, if we're able to suppress the urge to inflict the same pain upon them as they have their victims).
But being locked up is obviously not a deterrent and the circumstances surrounding such abuses must be extreme.
I have yet to read about an upper class family killing one of their kids and it would seem that most if not all of the families involved are lower class.
This does not and never will excuse any crimes.
But this situation is what the anti-smacking bill sought to address if only in principal.
People living in despair under financial strain will exercise "good parental correction" to differing degrees depending on their circumstance making these kids our most vulnerable to harm.
These people lost reasonable long ago.
We have laws against smoking and speeding that will not suddenly stop them from happening, but they communicate our intent on what is for the safety of all.
For these kids smacking leads to beating and a beating ends in death.
There is no excuse for these actions & the message obviously isn't getting through.
People need to step in and do something for these children. If you see it happening on the side of the street or hear it in your neighbours back yard DO SOMETHING! Don't wait till it's too late. New Zealander's are all too well known for minding their own business but where children getting beaten are concerned, im sorry im going to make sure it's my business.
Children are children and we are here to educate them to do what's right not to beat in to them what they've done wrong.
I was beaten as a child and know all too well what it felt like. I can say that it has taught me patience and to understand that a child is only a child and although I don't have children of my own yet, I know that I will never lay a hand on them because it will only teach them that violence towards others and in the home is acceptable.
Come on New Zealand if your going to have the balls for something, if you see violence step in and do your bit, preventing a child from being beaten is not a burden it is the solution.
Fairness: The eight-year-old's perspective (+video)
1:00PM Friday November 20, 2009
9:00AM Tuesday November 17, 2009
5:15PM Friday November 13, 2009
10:26AM Monday November 9, 2009
7:59AM Monday November 2, 2009
9:08AM Tuesday October 27, 2009
Co-sleeping: The endless debate
10:00AM Wednesday October 21, 2009
3:09PM Friday October 16, 2009
Every parent's worst nightmare
10:00PM Monday October 12, 2009
12:00PM Friday October 9, 2009
12:38PM Monday October 5, 2009
The pros and cons of homeschooling
11:15AM Friday October 2, 2009
3:05PM Friday September 25, 2009
Like slipping on a banana skin
1:10PM Monday September 21, 2009
The mother of all birthing battles
1:59PM Friday September 18, 2009
11:00AM Monday September 14, 2009
10:00AM Wednesday September 9, 2009
10:00AM Friday September 4, 2009
9:38AM Monday August 31, 2009
2:45PM Wednesday August 26, 2009
A half year of hell in New Zealand
1:14PM Friday August 21, 2009
1:15AM Monday August 17, 2009
Back to the (other) grindstone
4:00AM Friday August 14, 2009
12:56PM Monday August 10, 2009
11:22AM Tuesday August 4, 2009
Is smacking a suitable tool for parents?
4:00AM Friday July 31, 2009
10:00AM Tuesday July 28, 2009
12:00PM Monday July 20, 2009
Well you try passing a watermelon
8:00AM Tuesday July 14, 2009
12:56PM Thursday July 9, 2009
10:34AM Monday July 6, 2009
2:00PM Tuesday June 30, 2009
2:15PM Monday June 22, 2009
11:00AM Wednesday June 17, 2009
11:10AM Thursday June 11, 2009
1:52PM Friday June 5, 2009
7:35AM Tuesday June 2, 2009
7:16AM Friday May 22, 2009
3:12PM Monday May 18, 2009
9:29AM Friday May 15, 2009
10:35AM Monday May 11, 2009
8:51AM Wednesday May 6, 2009
4:03PM Wednesday April 29, 2009
3:18PM Wednesday April 22, 2009
3:10PM Friday April 17, 2009
9:08AM Tuesday April 14, 2009
10:03AM Thursday April 9, 2009
4:00AM Monday April 6, 2009
9:35AM Monday March 30, 2009
It's my party and I'll... sleep if I want to
8:57AM Wednesday March 25, 2009
1:18PM Friday March 20, 2009
4:00PM Monday March 16, 2009
3:14PM Tuesday March 10, 2009
12:25PM Friday March 6, 2009
8:00AM Monday March 2, 2009
12:00PM Tuesday February 24, 2009
8:06AM Tuesday February 17, 2009
10:34AM Friday February 13, 2009
8:14AM Monday February 9, 2009
10:41AM Monday February 2, 2009
9:32AM Tuesday January 27, 2009
8:09AM Wednesday January 21, 2009
11:06AM Friday January 16, 2009
10:42AM Tuesday January 13, 2009
9:22AM Tuesday December 30, 2008
First came marriage, then came baby
9:37AM Tuesday December 23, 2008
12:20PM Wednesday December 17, 2008
The childcare debate churns on
12:55PM Friday December 12, 2008
9:17AM Tuesday December 9, 2008
1:16PM Friday December 5, 2008
8:09AM Tuesday December 2, 2008
10:35AM Friday November 28, 2008
7:37AM Tuesday November 25, 2008
3:05PM Friday November 21, 2008
1:14PM Monday November 17, 2008
11:53AM Friday November 14, 2008
9:35AM Tuesday November 11, 2008
9:03AM Friday November 7, 2008
Sunday: No longer a fun brunch day
11:40AM Monday November 3, 2008
11:12AM Tuesday October 28, 2008
3:26PM Friday October 24, 2008
8:55AM Monday October 20, 2008
Being a mum without having a mum
2:09PM Monday October 13, 2008
8:37AM Friday October 10, 2008
7:51AM Monday October 6, 2008
A Wednesday afternoon in Mt Eden
11:05AM Thursday October 2, 2008
2:01PM Monday September 29, 2008
4:22PM Wednesday September 24, 2008
9:09AM Monday September 22, 2008
3:32PM Tuesday September 16, 2008
When superheroes aren't so super
12:14PM Thursday September 11, 2008
9:12AM Monday September 8, 2008
1:01PM Thursday September 4, 2008
9:35AM Monday September 1, 2008
2:37PM Thursday August 28, 2008
2:54PM Monday August 25, 2008
11:46AM Friday August 22, 2008
11:37AM Monday August 18, 2008
8:16AM Thursday August 14, 2008
10:58AM Monday August 11, 2008
Are career-focused women being written off as bad parents?
1:01PM Thursday August 7, 2008
12:33PM Monday August 4, 2008
11:44AM Thursday July 31, 2008
8:07AM Tuesday July 29, 2008
10:42AM Friday July 25, 2008